When someone asks who you are you probably say, your name, where you are from and how old you are. Do you open up and tell them your deepest darkest secrets? Probably not — even tho they probably have some of the same ones. Will ill start with by telling you my name, Erika Mitchell, I’m 24 and I’m from Pasadena, Newfoundland I thought I should tell you the basics before I tell you who I really am without the masks. This blog is going to be all about who I truly am, stuff that actually happened and things that are embarrassing and disgracefully. Things that I’m not proud of. Why would I wanna openly share this with the world, for many of reasons but the main one is I want people to know they are not alone, and just because we made mistakes don’t mean it’s too late to change. We can overcome anything, and most all of us humans have done stuff that we’re are not proud of and if you say you haven’t, stop lying.
F-E-A-R has two meanings, ‘forget everything and run’ or ‘face everything and rise’ I choose to face everything and rise after a battle of trying to forget everything and run. I am an addict, who had to hit rock bottom to know I didn’t want to be there anymore. I was homeless in Ontario, when I wasn’t I was living in a trap house. For anyone who doesn’t know what that is its a place where drugs are sold. If you were to walk into one you’d probably see a couch with no legs on the floor that they probably got from the nearest dumpster, pipes, and needles. Someone crawled up on the floor, people sleeping in puddles of drool. People on the floor on all fours looking for crumbs of left over rock. Yeah, glamorous. Addiction doesn’t care about anyone’s family history or upbringing — it doesn’t care about economic or genetic makeup. It doesn’t care about anyone’s race, creed or color. Addiction is no discriminator and will go after anyone and everyone. I’ve seen people walk into that house and pick up who you would never think, men in suit and ties to the guy that’s pawning off his coat for a hit.
This is why addiction is ruthless it’ll take everything you have if you let it. I know it took everything I had, my jeep, my apartment, my morals, and my family. I had nothing left, nobody left. I would look into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was anymore. I remember talking to my higher power so many times and asking him if he just let me get threw this night I wouldn’t do this anymore and promised him over and over I would change but that never happened. I thought I was useless, I thought I was no good for nothing but if I had a 100$ bill and folded it, spit on it and stomped on it would you still want that 100$ bill? Yes, because even those it doesn’t look fresh it holds the same value, will so do we. Just because we’ve gone so far down a road doesn’t mean we cannot turn back. Doesn’t mean because we got a few scratches and bruises we don’t hold value. Actually, my addiction has given me something very valuable, it has made me a better person, a person who wants to help others and person with no judgment. God knew what I needed to become this person, he knew that I had to go down the road I did and when I was able to admit that I was broken, it served as a reminder that I am a broken vessel — and God cherishes broken things:
- The alabaster box of perfume had to be broken before the fragrance filled the room.
- The five loaves and two fishes had to be broken before a miracle.
- Jesus said “this is my body which is broken for you”
So remember, no matter how many wrong things you’ve done it is never too late to start doing them right. Once I admitted my problems and asked for help it became easier to live with and when I came out publicly about my addiction I suddenly had people writing me saying “Me too!” Family members, girls through high school, people I don’t even know. Addiction is an illness, would you be ashamed of panic attacks, depression, ADHD, autism, down syndrome, cancer or chemo? NO, you wouldn’t. You would never say “it’s your fault you’ve got cancer” so please don’t blame the addict. So now you guys know my first step to healing was to admit I had a problem, and come to terms with needing help and knowing I couldn’t do it alone anymore.
Next week I’m going take a step back into my childhood and tell you where it all started, why I fell into addiction so stay tuned for more about the recovery by Erika.