As a Reformed People Pleaser, I can say with complete honesty this was the biggest challenge for me to overcome…. I mean who dosn’t want to make everyone around you happy at times to avoid conflicting opinions and being uncomfortable? As a result I spent years going against my gut-reactions, which put me in several terrible situations. I think I spent more time suffering at the expense of someone else just for the fear of not being approved of and really at the end of the day I am the one who suffered. In the grand scheme of things are we better off making others more comfortable than ourselves?
So where did I learn this? Growing up I was taught to suck it up and do what I was told. I was told to keep it together and act perfect in public. Keep others happy and if something is bothering you suffer in silence. I do not blame anyone for teaching me this. They were only showing me what they knew but I am grateful today I have been empowered to break these chains of bondage that does not serve anyone especially myself. Below I have included a few tips on how I started my journey as a Reformed People Pleaser!
Developing a strong foundation around self–worth and self-love a daily practice
~ Do not let others opinions affect the way you feel about yourself. Society shows us a million images and reasons every day which tell us consciously or unconsciously we are not good enough. Obsessing over the details of your life that do not support your picture of success, creates a negative feedback system manifesting as what you do not want. From how you look, to what you eat, how you talk and dress, can come under self-judgment if you fall prey to someone else’s perceived “perfection”. Starting off the day in this vibration of lack attracts more of the same. Comparing ourselves to others results in looking outside of ourselves for satisfaction. Avoid falling into patterns of judging yourself harshly. It externalizes your definition of success, and robs you of your personal measures.
~A daily practice of self-love on the other hand will help keep you grounded and anchored in a positive truth, so that you are not as affected by media, obsessions, judgments, or comparisons. Take time to identify the ways you do or could love yourself. Create affirmations to repeat daily. Assemble vision boards to manifest what self-love looks and feels like to you.
~Health and wellness plays a big role in developing self-worth and self-love. Learn how to take care of your mind, body and spirit. Seek out friends and professionals who support you being the healthiest you can be on all levels. Dive into the knowledge that you are your best investment. Get to know what foods you can eat to raise your vibration and which to avoid because they drag you down. Explore the best exercise for your body, temperament, and schedule.
~Get passionate about you. Rekindle the feeling of being in love and apply it to yourself. All the little things you might do to show someone else how you feel about them…do them just for you. Give your mind the backseat to your intuition when it comes to self-love. Discover how you want to be loved and gift that to yourself. With this strategy, your worth can increase exponentially. Self-love and self-worth will help you to navigate life with more ease.
I am not interested in a life that is driven by fears of disappointment or lack, and consequently full of drama and chaos. Even though I could act the part to get an immediate need met, ultimately People-Pleasing does not make me happy. It sets up a false sense of who I am which colors relationships in negative ways. My goal is to be real in all situations, even if it makes others uncomfortable, because in the end, I must be comfortable with me, the decisions I make and especially how I go about making them as an entrepreneurial woman.
~ Carmell Pelly