In my teens and 20’s, I was self-centered to the extreme.
I literally thought about myself all the time.
I thought about what others were doing to me:
Saying passive-aggressive comments, cutting me off in traffic, or my supervisor making me do a task I detested.
I also thought about what others were not doing to me:
Not returning my call right away or not being invited to lunch with friends.
I never lived in the moment because my head was in the past, reviewing how people had not been there for me, especially when I gave so much to them.
I also never lived in the moment because my head was in the future, planning how, the next time my boyfriend’s jerk friend calls me “crazy hippie chick,” I’ll have a comeback that will totally put him in his place.
Or when that person eventually did call me back, I wouldn’t call her back. Then she’ll learn to appreciate me.
And on and on it went. I was definitely not living a joyful life!
What Does Your Life Look Like
Do you ever get lost in your head about how others don’t treat you the way you should be treated?
And you have imaginary conversations with them and get all riled up, planning to finally speak your truth and say what you’ve been wanting to say for years?
But then, when someone does reach out to you, you’re stiff and irritable and won’t give them a straight answer when they ask to see you (you hint that you’re super busy with your real friends).
And you’re bitchy to grocery checkout clerks, and they look at you like you’ve got problems, and you hear a voice in your head that says this isn’t really you, but you tell it to shut up and you can act this way if you want because everyone treats you like crap when you treat them like gold…
Are you irritable with everyone because you’re not getting what you want from your life?
Your daily life is filled with negativity and resentments.
You believe the critical voice in your head.
You feel like a victim.
You sabotage yourself and then beat yourself up for self-sabotaging.
You feel like others must have been given a guide on how to have good relationships and
be happy, but they forgot to give you that guide?
I became an overgiving people pleaser
I know that place you’re in. I lived there a long time.
I thought I’d never get out.
I didn’t think there was a way out. Well, at least not for me.
I literally thought some people were born happy and some weren’t; since I wasn’t, I never would be.
I believed I was forever stuck in that place of unloving relationships, a job I loathed, constantly being 15 lbs. overweight, and never having enough money to do anything, go anywhere, or buy anything except for paying the most important bills.
It took me years of personal growth to finally realize I was the way I was because I had missed out on what I needed as a child – emotional validation.
As a result, I became an empath. That wasn’t so bad except that I was attracted to narcissistic partners.
As an adult, I continued to emotionally neglect myself – I was an overgiving people pleaser. I stayed in relationships where I received very little, I’d forgotten who I truly was, I couldn’t speak up for myself, I was filled with self-doubt, and I had no idea what self-care was.
I felt powerless to change my life.
What Life Do You Want to Create
Let me tell you beautiful woman, yes I said beautiful…
You can get out of that place. You can heal and recover from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.
You can create the life you dream about ~
where you find love with someone who respects and values you
.where you find mutually giving friendships
.where you thrive in a career you love
.where you’re healthy and at a weight you feel good about
.where you treat yourself like gold – mentally, physically, and spiritually
.where people want to be around you because you’re calm, generous, assertive, and accepting
.and your head is filled with thoughts of the present moment, positivity, hope, and
appreciation for your assertive, courageous, and delightful life
You don’t have to believe this can be you.
Just believe that I used to be where you are, and know that I’ve moved past that old, unforgiving life.
You can create a life you love.
A life of joy, good friends, fulfilling relationships, a career that gives back to you, and truly more than enough of anything you’ve ever needed.
Sounds amazing, right? But it’s not perfect: I’m not always in that place I just described.
But it’s 1000 times better than it used to be.
My healing journey has consisted of thousands and thousands of steps (some of them backward).
Healing is done in layers, no one can heal their past overnight.
Where my life started turning around was when I finally asked for help.
And I got support from women who believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.
So, lovely lady, you don’t have to fully believe in you. Yet.
Just believe that I believe in you.
With that, you can start.
Start to heal, start to change, start to love yourself, start to ask for what you want.
Take the first step, however that looks for you.
The Universe will begin to supply you with what you need when you take that first step of forward momentum – read that self-help book, speak honestly about your struggles to someone who can support you, begin a journal practice, join and participate in a Facebook group with like-minded women, do a yoga video each morning.
Know that I believe in you and take that step toward healing.
It’s not easy to recover from narcissistic abuse, but it’s a lot easier than staying where you are. When you start to heal even a little bit from your trauma, you’re moving forward. One step at a time.
~~~Are you ready to heal and thrive after covert narcissistic abuse?